Kailash Satyarthi contends in his recent book that compassion is the key to solving many problems

Can compassion only help alleviate another’s suffering? Does it not also have the power to solve one’s own problems and pains? The simple answer to these questions is: yes, it is possible through self-compassion.

Self-compassion is connecting with oneself, objectively feeling one’s inner suffering and alleviating it. It may not be easy to be compassionate towards others, but it is even more challenging to be compassionate towards oneself.

Our status and surroundings make us selfish; this self-centredness is a suffering we rarely acknowledge. Seeking personal gain, we constantly think we need to prove ourselves to the world. We feel joyful when we succeed but this happiness often only leads to self-glorification. Similarly, the pain we feel when we fail invariably results in self-obsession. Rather than reflect on ourselves, we wallow in guilt when we make mistakes. We need self-compassion to solve these inner problems without bias.

Almost everyone in this world experiences some form of trouble or pain. Some forms of distress run deeper and remain invisible. Human weaknesses such as egotism, hatred, resentment, vengefulness, jealousy, intolerance, betrayal, dishonesty, fear and insecurity are, in truth, inner sufferings. These weaken a person from within and make self-evaluation difficult.

Self-compassion and the ability to objectively feel our suffering also generate a drive to end it. Such a drive cannot arise without recognising one’s strengths and potential. This means that self-compassion does not allow for hopelessness or pessimism. Instead, it energises a person and gives them hope and optimism. Self-compassion is the ability to be objectively and deeply connected to oneself, with the drive to solve our problems that cause suffering to others and to ourselves. It includes self-connectedness, which allows us to form an honest connection with ourselves. Our lack of self-connection is evident in our ongoing internal conversations. Given that we spend much of our day talking to ourselves, we must ask ourselves some critical questions: What kind of dialogue do we have with ourselves? Do we focus more on external events than on personal growth? How long do we dwell on praise or criticism from someone close to us? How harshly do we criticise ourselves when we experience failure or setbacks? What are our thoughts when a neighbour or colleague is promoted? Understanding the motives behind our self-talk is crucial because it directly impacts our personality and actions. Self-compassion characterises our self-talk with objectivity towards our suffering, which gives us an accurate picture of the causes and solutions to our pain.

External environments, prejudices and perceptions shape our thoughts. We constantly deliberate over the actions of others. As we remain preoccupied with superficiality, these influences keep us from delving deeper into ourselves. We narrate to ourselves our own stories, focusing on externalities rather than introspection. If we engage in substantive dialogue with ourselves, we realise that much of our thinking involves guilt, self-obsession, self-criticism and pride. By being aware of our inner workings, we can shift ourselves away from unproductive thoughts and guide our minds towards self-compassion.

The terms “self-love” and “self-care” are used interchangeably with “self-compassion”, but they are essentially very different. Self-care is a part of self-love, but self-compassion has a broader ambit.

The concept of self-love, which entails completely embracing who we are, has recently gained popularity. It involves dedicating time to personal activities like entertainment, reading, writing and maintaining a proper diet. These practices can bring about positive changes in your physical and mental health. However, you risk becoming too self-obsessed or self-focused. Though self-love differs from narcissism, it does not help address aspects of yourself that cause suffering to you and your loved ones. Rarely does self-love help promote an objective connection with your deeper self and hardly ever does it drive you towards meaningful self-development.

Modern-day teachings often emphasise the importance of self-esteem and self-worth but these also differ from self-compassion. Though they can aid in personal growth, there is a risk that such an attitude can result in a sense of superiority over others. This contradicts our claims of treating and loving everyone equally. Marching ahead of others comes at the cost of friendship, camaraderie and togetherness. Self-esteem and self-compassion may seem similar but they are opposites.

Several psychologists have extensively researched this subject. In one study, participants were asked to recall actions they regretted or felt guilty about. Most of them listed romantic wrongdoing such as cheating, causing heartbreak or academic dishonesty. Each participant then completed a questionnaire to assess how they would avoid committing wrongs in the future. The participants were then divided into self-compassion, self-esteem and control groups. The self-compassion group wrote about their experiences with kindness and understanding towards themselves. The self-esteem group listed their positive qualities, while the control group wrote about their interests and hobbies. The results showed that the self-compassion group had more precise, practical and persistent thoughts on preventing mistakes than the other groups.

Psychological studies distinguish between two mindsets: the growth mentality, where individuals constantly strive to improve themselves; and the fixed mentality, characterised by beliefs such as “It is what it is” or “I trust my ability to move forward without help”.

Research suggests those who approached themselves with kindness and understanding were more likely to address their shortcomings and make significant progress. In contrast, those with high self-esteem and confidence showed slower self-development. Both mindsets influence personal and professional aspects of individuals’ lives.

Additionally, self-compassionate individuals are more genuine and honest with themselves, which translates to greater sincerity in their speech and work. This authenticity helps them emerge as influential team leaders with a strong reputation, highly efficient in their fields. Unlike self-esteem, which often depends on external approval and can vary, self-compassion offers a steady sense of self-worth untethered to achieving perfect standards or outperforming others. Further research also indicates that self-compassion is associated with less anxiety and depression, and leads to greater happiness and optimism.

Excerpted with permission from Karuna: The Power of Compassion, Kailash Satyarthi, HarperCollins India.